One of my favorite things to do when I was a kid was fake an illness, stay home from school, watch daytime TV and eat a lot.  In fact, I would eat so much that I don’t even feel like it should be called eating, gorging massive amounts of food is more like.

In the mornings I would watch the “Today” show, then “Regis & Kathie Lee,” and end my morning with “The Price is Right.”  The news came on at noon (BORING), so that’s when I pooped.

But once 1:00 rolled around it was party time.  Not only was it time for a full hour of “Three’s Company,” but it was also lunch time!  I would get some Wonder Bread, bologna, and Kraft cheese, and zap that shit in the microwave until it was all moist and melted and gooey and yummy.  I’d throw in some Cheeto’s on the side and bring a pudding cup with me back to the TV.  In that moment I was so happy.

I tell you this story from my childhood for no other reason other then I’ve been working non-stop this week at AIDS Walk New York, and mentally I’m doing all I can to get to the happy spot.  I am happy, just sleep deprived.  Thinking of zapped Bologna sandwiches brings a smile to my face.

xoxo

What are you doing this weekend? I’ll be in Central Park getting things ready for the 47,000+ people who will attend AIDS Walk New York on Sunday, May 18th. Click the image below to be directed to the AIDS Walk page. Register and come on down, it’s going to be a fantastic day!

Alright, I admit it, I have a nose hair problem. I blame it on my German heritage. Or just the fact that I have a hairy father. However, I am not hairy. Only in the nose. What’s up with that?

I’ve recently discovered Philips Norelco Ear and Nose Hair Groomer. Color me a satisfied customer. It’s like I’m a new man or something, I’ve never breathed so freely through my nose before. I guess I had more of an amazon growing in there then I thought. If you suffer from this problem, I highly suggest you pick up this nifty little trimmer.

You know you’ve reached a certain age when a nose hair trimmer excites you. I need to pick up a habit or something, one of the cool ones (overeating does not cool make).

It’s no secret, I love bananas.  They are my favorite fruit, part of my daily morning routine and they simply make me happy.  When I was a kid I would run around the house as “Banana Man.”  I would eat a whole bunch of bananas at once, get sick, and pass out.  Shocked that my mother would let me do this?  I have a feeling that she let me do it in order to get me down for the afternoon.

Last night “60 Minutes” had a story about the Chiquita Banana company sat quiet while the Colombian government killed many of it’s people.  In fact, they supposedly even worked with the government at the time, indirectly assisting in the deaths.  That’s so tragic.

This morning I woke up dying for a banana.  I refuse to believe the story had any effect on my cravings (but let’s be honest, nothing would ever keep me from enjoying a banana, I’m “Banana Man!”).  I went from deli to deli, no bananas anywhere.  I visited at least 7 deli’s, not one banana.  Did they see “60 Minutes” as well?  Could this be God sending me a message?

And it’s pissing me off.

Since I switched to supporting Mister Obama, I began reading “Dreams from My Father,” in an effort to get to know his background.  I’ve already read “The Audacity of Hope,” when it first came out.  I loved it, it’s what inspired my early support for him.

I have a strange relationship with Obama.  I watched his rise through the U.S. Senate primaries in Illinois in 2004.  I didn’t support him in the primaries, but I do distinctly remember watching his acceptance speech the night he became the Democratic U.S. Senate nominee.  He talked of bringing the state together, the north and the south, and yes, I was inspired.  Because of this early awareness of Obama, before the rest of the country took note, I feel like I somehow have more of a understanding of where he came from.  He’s real to me, not Presidential.  I’ve only ever known Hillary Clinton in a grand scale, the White House or U.S. Senate defiantly pictured in the background.  But it’s different with Obama.

How did I get this gut?

I’ve held on, given money, donated time, but just as in comedy for me, I have a firm commitment to the truth.  And the truth of the matter is that it is time for Hillary Clinton to drop out of the race for the White House.

This is not an easy proclamation for me, and I make it ever so delicately.  My support for Clinton is based on many factors, from health care to electability.  Experience matters, and speeches filled with nothing more than “change” or “hope” is not enough for me to support Obama’s candidacy.  But as a good Democrat I will support Obama.  I just fear another McGovern, another Dukakis.  A great failure of many Americans is that we do not look to history for guidance.  I regret this.

“It is not enough to understand, or to see clearly. The future will be shaped in the arena of human activity, by those willing to commit their minds and their bodies to the task,” Robert Kennedy said.  There are parallels between RFK and Obama.  Perhaps Obama is the candidacy that RFK was robbed of?  I hope so.

A blind woman walks into a gay bar.

“What’s she doing here,” my friend asks.

“Obviously she’s looking for a seeing eye gay,” I said.

Think about how made that blind chick would be?  Not only would she look fantastic, but she’d be the sassiest disabled lady Manhattan has ever seen!

One of my favorite things about running is the communal understanding among fellow runners that a conversation about pooping is not only alright, but encouraged.  The only other times in your life when this is possible is when you’re a child and when you’re elderly.

Don’t see what’s so exciting? How fanatastic would it be if, at the end of a date, you could honestly say to the person, “You know, I really don’t want to end this date so soon, but I’ve got to poop, so…”  Or, at work, instead of saying you’re going for a walk, you could just say, “I’m going to be away for a while, I’ve got to poop.”

Friends of mine, non-runners, don’t like poop talk, they think I’m too free spirited with my casual approach to the topic.  I bite my tongue,  but after running in the Brooklyn Half-Marathon yesterday, I figured one post about poop would slide, so to speak.

NEW GOALS: To run the three major marathons, Chicago, New York City and Boston; and the St. Louis and Marie Corps Marathon in Washington, DC.  The first one I’ll do is New York City Marathon in 2009, since that’s my hometown.  I aim to run it in 3 hours and 10 minutes, lofty, I know, but if I do that I will meet the requirements for the Boston Marathon in 2010.

So from here on out, all training is based on getting in shape, gaining speed and gaining muscle to pump the speed into gear.  Holla!