As any writer does, I often proof read my work various times through out the day. Even if it’s already sent out I will still proof read something to death.

Anyway, I just did that with the last thing I posted, “The Discovery,” (read it before you read this). There’s one particular section that’s causing me angst. It went, “In the not too distant past I can recall… suffering from frequent diarrhea or horrible constipation…. I didn’t want to explain myself after leaving a public/work bathroom so I would just hold it in…” It seems like a fairly valuable argument for not releasing a bowel movement. One’s personal struggle with social behavior, specifically what is right and wrong in terms of the social norm, is something that nobody should have to defend, it’s their own personal struggle. It isn’t so much what I said but more so that I actually believed it.

Who in the world would ever ask someone to explain why they took a long time in the restroom, or why they had a particularly stinky moment in the toilet? If anything I would be more embarrassed to confront someone about what they did in the restroom more than taking a long, stinky dump right before somebody else uses that same toilet.

When exiting the toilet, after finding somebody waiting for it, I could easily give the “Oh I’m sick to my stomach,” face once eye contact has been made with the next occupant. The person will then just offer their facial condolences, mainly consisting of squinting their eyes and turning their heads to one side, and enter the toilet holding their hands over both mouth and nose and trying not to breath.

Of course then that person who just entered the toilet after me will most likely be a co-worker and will go back and discuss the foul smells that came from my body. But if I was the co-worker he came to discuss the smelly chat with I would most likely look at Bill (I’ve decided to give the poop gossiper a name) and say, “Eww Bill, I don’t want to hear about Scott’s poop.” Bill will then be embarrassed because he’s officially the office poop guy while I was just sick to my stomach.

Okay, while writing these past couple of paragraphs I’ve wanted to incorporate this sentence that popped into my head. I wasn’t able to fit in anywhere but I still want to use it, so I’m just going to close with it. It’s not going to make sense as a final sentence but I don’t care, it makes me smile. I’m anal over my poop stories.

Discovering the advantages of a physical lifestyle can be difficult. Since I began my quest towards an active lifestyle way back in November I have never lost sight of my goal towards discovering those advantages. Having lost a considerable amount of weight, successfully gave up smoking and finally getting a handle on my eating habits I think I might have discovered the hidden benefit. The ultimate benefits in living an active lifestyle is that it regulates your bowel movements.

I shit you not (and yes, I purposely said that), I have never been more regular in my life. In the not too distant past I can recall sitting on the toilet in pain, suffering from frequent diarrhea or horrible constipation. The latter was by far the worst, at times I would give myself a headache just trying to finish the dirty deed. Because I didn’t want to explain myself after leaving a public/work bathroom I would just hold it in until I got home, adding to the pain and often making me irritable in my daily life. I’d even go as far as to say that part of what drove me to eat (and I guess in a strange way what drove me right back into the torture chamber that was the restroom) was the depression about how I looked.

Now everything is different. I find myself skipping to the toilet for I know it will be an enjoyable experience. I can even have conversations on the phone while in the restroom. Everyday, sometimes twice, I get to waltz into my happy place and quickly (however efficiently) remove the waist from my body. Never has the natural order of things been so enjoyable.

So, if you’re overweight, feeling out of shape and/or are irregular, than I highly recommend taking up jogging, mall walking, swimming or some other physical activity. Not only will it shed those love handles but you’ll also be wanting to excuse yourself to the commode just for fun (and no, not in that way).