Banana Love!

Foods consumed between 9:00 AM and 11:30 AM.
- A bowl of oatmeal (with a touch of cinnamon, brown sugar and splenda)
- Orange juice
- A cup of vanilla yogurt with granola mixed in
- Half a box of Frosted Mini-Wheat’s
- Two slices of pumpkin bread
- Coffee
- Water

HOW’D THAT HAPPEN???

I’m officially at a breaking point when it comes to food. For the better part of this past year I’ve been eating sugar free this, low fat that and no carb bullshit just so that I could be slimmer then I have ever been in my life. I did not lose weight unhealthily, I ate the proper amount of food guidelined by the food pyramid, I incorporated 30 to 60 minutes of exercise everyday and started a vitamin regimen. Now that I’m down to a comfortable size I’m trying to figure out how I can add “normal” foods into my daily diet.

I’ve never been successful at moderation, that’s how I became an overweight, pack a day smoker. All or nothing, no questions asked, that was just the way it was. Why have one sandwich when it’s just as easy to make two? The $0.99 cent bag of potato chips is meant for one person, not a serving size of three like the bag says! Everyone knows cheese is dairy, and we need dairy, so there’s nothing wrong with eating half a thing of Velvetta cheese.

My peak weight was 255 lbs, my waist size was 44 inches. I wouldn’t say I was unhappy, I ate whatever I wanted, had a wonderful family and beautiful friends. Of course late at night, after eating a couple bowls of cereal and a sandwich, I’d feel a little guilty. I’d ask myself, “Why can’t I stop eating? I’m not hungry yet all I want to do is eat.” I’d keep asking myself these questions without ever figuring out the answer.

I knew I had an eating disorder, but not the cool ones like anorexia and bulimia. Nobody goes around saying they’re a binge eater. Can you imagine if they made an after school special about binge eating? Or wrote a play about it? Of course not, because binge eating isn’t chic, the people who do it aren’t skinny and thus aren’t worth the time.

I still struggle with binge eating (for example, what I’ve eaten today), but I counter it with exercise. The one thing I have learned is that I just can’t think too much about it all, I just need to continue to eat what the Food Pyramid tells me to eat, not kill myself emotionally if I do overeat and continue to work out. I’m settling on the fact that I will never truly be skinny, I just love food too much. But what’s wrong with that?

I’m now 170 lbs with a 34 inch waist. I’m almost happy with myself, or at least on the right road. And one day, maybe, I’ll be able to eat without thinking about what I’m eating, the calories that are in it and how I’m going to work it off. I’m proud of what I’ve done, now I’ve just got to figure out how to keep it going.

In the meantime, there’s a banana with my name on it! Mmmmm, I do love me some bananas!