If somebody told me that I couldn’t do anything for the rest of my life but watch one TV series, that series would be “The Golden Girls.” Enough said.

Yesterday while I was walking over to the White house (not the one in DC, however filled with just as many characters), I thought to myself, “I should make a list of things that I want to do by the end of December.” I figured that I had all this time off I might as well use it productively. By the end of the month I will have…
- Started a scrap book
- Learned how to knit properly
- Figured out a few of my mother’s recipes
- Learned how to use exercise equipment properly
- Added more fiber to my diet
There will be additions to this list along the way. Hopefully I’ll be able to commit to these, I don’t feel they’re too lofty of goals.

Oh my, the episode of “The Golden Girls” where Sonny Bono guests stars is on, gotta jet!

I wish I had enough money to invest in the Pepto-Bismol company in late September and then sell at the start of January. Think about how much money they make during that time of the year? Unlike the rest of the year, the amount of starches and sugars consumed during this span of time must pump millions of dollars into the company. Sure I could invest in the food companies but I think there’s more money in the medication, it’s more expensive and the market has fewer options than food. Come January 1st I’m marking that on my “To Do” list for the new year. It’ll go right behind make more money but certainly in front of plant a roof top garden.

Yesterday I accomplished a long outstanding goal, I completed my very first race. It was only a 5K race, I say only because I typically run longer then that but I felt it was important to start at the beginning. I wanted to complete the race in no more then 30 minutes, I wound up finishing in 26 minutes and 28 seconds. Once I returned home I ate the shit out of some pumpkin pie and stood in front of the mirror naked (not at the same time, however that would have been interesting). I was amazed at how far I have come with my body. Never in my life have I been in this kind of shape, it’s amazing. You know you’re doing something right when you think to yourself, “I’d fuck me.” I guess I should try and find somebody like me cause frankly I’m slacking in the fucky fucky department.

The awards season is right around the corner which obviously means that for the next three months the only thing that I will be researching online is movies, movies, movies. One of my dream jobs is that of Tom O’Neill, an awards journalist. Check out www.goldderby.com, it’s a web-site I visit at least once a day, every day. I’m debating on starting an awards season blog but I’m not sure it’s worth it, but maybe.

Just purchased “Gilmore Girls” on DVD, guess how I’ll be spending my afternoon?

BTW, check out photostamps.com, great gift idea!

Ugh, I’m bloated.

Nobody does a better meltdown than the great Diane Keaton. It comes from deep in her belly and works it’s way out in the form of rage with a dash of embarrassment. Currently I’m watching Crimes of the Heart, a dark comedy from the mid-80’s about three eccentric sisters. Just like in Crimes of the Heart, I can’t help but recall other classic Keaton meltdowns. In The First Wives Club she falls apart when she discovers her therapist is having an affair with her husband; she confronts her husband, Al Pacino, in The Godfather, but quickly learns that he’s never going to leave the business; and probably one of the more famous meltdowns of her career, in Something’s Gotta Give she goes through days of hilarious turmoil over lost love with Jack Nicholson. Yes, you are correct, I do love Diane Keaton.

My mind is free of all the problems of regular life. I’ve been in St. Louis since Saturday and I haven’t been able to wipe the smile off my face. I haven’t been this happy in a very long time. Moments with my family have been amazing, last night at the Whites reestablished for me the importance of recognizing the important people in your life and showing them how much you appreciate them and the solitude of my long runs have given me new hope for my own abilities.

I’m speechless, just speechless.

I’m also gassy, very gassy (I ate too much soy).

Life is grand!

There’s always going to be something that bugs me, I’m just one of those people. That being said I wouldn’t go as far as saying I walk around constantly disturbed by the absurdities that I encounter, in fact I feel I have a rather happy demeanor. Deep down inside me there’s a negative nelly just screaming to get out and rarely does he, I’ll name him Ted, break through the emotional wall that I’ve built around him to block his presence in my everyday life. Ted’s climbing that wall y’all, he’s almost made it over the top (but not quite). Will Ted make it?

This morning Ted almost blew his top. Lately one of my biggest annoyances has been people not following the rules of an urban sidewalk. Living in an urban city like New York one encounters many disturbing daily troubles, the puke on the subway platform from the night before, the dog shit you just stepped in and of course the change begger.

They ask, “Spare some change?”

I say, “Sorry, I don’t have any,” however I think, “Fuck no, I can’t afford to give you my quarter. I need it to buy my New York Post, which has my lottery numbers published in it, which could then make me a millionaire!”

Sidewalk etiquette is fairly simple: in the United States we keep to the right, always. Is this not what we’ve been taught our entire lives? We drive on the right, lines are formed on the right, hell even mall walkers keep to the right. So why does all this change on a sidewalk?

New York City sidewalks are pretty large allowing for big groups of people to walk them. As I’m walking down a sidewalk I’ll keep to my right, it’s only natural. A man is also walking my way with a determined look on his face, “I’m not going to move,” he’s saying with his eyes. I respond with my own eyespeak, “Well bitch, neither am I, we’re in America, KEEP TO THE RIGHT.” I won’t give up, eventually forcing him to move out of my way. In a strange way it’s patriotic of me, it’s the American way!

My theory is that there should be lanes on sidewalks, forcing people to decide what type of walker they want to be. There will be a speed walker lane for those that are either in a hurry or like to put a little umpf in their step; next to that will be a lane for the strollers, people taking their time (which is fine to do, just get the fuck out of my way). In New York there should also be a tourist/observation lane. That way New Yorkers won’t have to ram into some sad woman from Atlanta who finally got her old man to take her on the big city vacation but just got packed from behind from some scary New Yorker whose probably “in a hurry to buy drugs!”

Please, if you’re reading this, just remember, stay to the right, it could save your life one day. Fear the rath of Ted, trust me!

In other Scott news last night was my class performance. I have to say I wasn’t really nervous at all, in fact I felt pretty comfortable up on stage. For me what makes performing improv different from acting (which I did for years), is that I’m bringing so much of myself to the stage. I look at it more from a performer’s point of view rather than an actor’s point of view. A goal of mine for doing this improv class was to get comfortable with myself, being myself, on stage. I don’t feel like I’m totally there yet however it seems like I’m on the right road, and of course I’m keeping to my right.

Now begins the count down until I head back to the Midwest for six whole weeks. My goal is to get in touch with Scott, go back to my roots, do some volunteering, rest, run, do comedy, eat, laugh; just take care of the soul. One of my main priorities is to get back with my family. I’ve always had a great relationship with my family but things are different now, I’m different, the times are different. The adventure begins Friday afternoon, stay tuned for some wacky updates (which of course I’ll document here!).

CLOSING THOUGHT: Oh, what a wonderful world we live in. Well except for all the wars, starvation and disease; but other then that everything’s just peachy!

Rarely does a film come along that totally captivates you, holds your attention from the very beginning right until the credits start to roll and in the process somehow sneaks its way into your soul and effects you on such an emotional level that the only natural response is to sit in your seat and say to yourself, “Wow!” Volver, directed by Pedro Almodovar and starring Penelope Cruz is more than a film, it’s an experience.

Penelope Cruz plays Raimunda, a head strong woman of Madrid whose only trying to raise her daughter and deal with her unemployed, drunk husband. Her sister, Sole (Lola Duenas) is a newly separated hair stylist dealing with her loneliness. Their parents died in a fire in their hometown of La Mancha years ago. They visit their elderly Aunt Paula often, she’s blind and can’t care for herself however refuses to allow help, but Paula seems mysteriously able to do many things on her own, like cook and care for the house. Aunt Paula says she doesn’t do it b y herself, instead she says their dead mother looks after her. The sisters write off Aunt Paula’s delusions. Not long after their visit Paula dies, leading towards a mysterious discovery that their Mother is still alive, or is she a ghost? The women must then come to terms with their own realities, Raimunda’s no good husband and Sole’s loneliness, through the eyes of their Angel, their Mother Irene (Carmen Maura). In the process they return to their old demons in order to move on with their lives, hence the title of the film, Volver.

What makes Almodovar such a classic director is that he cares about his characters, allowing each one to have their moment in the spotlight. One watches a Almodovar film and soon realizes that the characters on the screen are more than just inventive ideas from his mind but more a glimpse into Almodovar’s past, they are his family and friends . Because of that closeness to these characters he takes care of them on screen, cradles their performance and allows them to shine.

The essence of Volver is the role of the Mother in our lives. Raimunda wasn’t raised by her mother, she was sent away to be raised by Aunt Paula at a very young age. This caused resentment between both Raimunda and her mother, Irene. In return Raimunda cares for her daughter, Paula, as if she were a single mother, constant attention and a big dose of tough love. Sole is forced to confront her loneliness once her mother appears to her at the funeral of Aunt Paula. Almodovar reveals that there is no stronger bond than the one between a child and mother; even if old wounds taint the relationship, in the end you only get one mother.

Penelope Cruz deserves and Oscar nomination, plain and simple. Her performance is reminiscent of two former Best Actress winning performances, Joan Crawford in Mildred Pierce and Sophia Leron in La Ciociara. She finds the tragedy in the humor of a situation, making it even funnier. In bed one night Raimunda isn’t in the mood for her husband’s advances and turns her back to him. Disgruntled, the husband starts to masturbate next to her. The camera then only shows Raimunda’s face. Slowly you see her begin to cry and behind those tears you know there is something more, something bigger, hidden that’s just about to explode. Very few actresses can convey an entire message without uttering a word, Cruz has that ability.

If Volver comes to your city I highly suggest you go see it, very much worth it. But I warn you behorehand, even as a gay man it was very hard for me to keep my eyes off Cruz’s beautiful chest, which Almodovar kept out there for the majority of the film. I found myself missing some dialogue just because I was focused on her boobs. Wow, what was Tom Cruise thinking leaving her? In any case, GO SEE VOLVER!!! VIVA PEDRO!!!

Do you ever have those moments when somebody is talking to you and you can’t stop thinking, “I really couldn’t give a shit what you’re saying.” It’s not that you don’t enjoy the person you’re talking to, more than likely they’re a friend of yours, but frankly you’re just not in the mood to listen to a story about returning someone’s lost cell phone. Of course it makes it worse when they start reenacting the conversation that they had with the person once the lost cell phone was retrieved.

And I was like, “Hi, yeah, I found it on the street.”

And then he was like, “Oh man, thank you, wow.”

And then I was like, “Yeah, it looks like an expensive one, I figured…”

And then he was like, “Oh man, it is”

And then I was like, “Yeah….

HOLY CHRIST STOP THE INSANITY!

You’re probably wondering why I didn’t just change the topic, or better yet tell my friend that I didn’t care. Believe me, I tried to be nice but every respectable trick I had didn’t work. During the reenactment of the story I even cut in and said, “Oh that’s nice he got the cell phone back,” just so that I could give the hint that enough is enough, jump to the end of the story now! Instead my friend just kept going… and going. I listened, was very nice, and then the end of the story finally came once we arrived at the movie theater and it turned out there really wasn’t a grand ending to the story at all. The man got his cell phone, said thank you and left, end of story. For all the dramatics that were put into it you’d think there would be a bigger ending. Even if there really wasn’t a bigger ending make one up, it’s a story, I won’t fight the validity of it.

I sat in the theater pondering the last ten minutes of my life wasted, I’ll never get them back. I could have learned something new in those ten minutes. I once learned that every time you learn something new a ripple is marked in your brain. I want my new ripple!

We saw Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple, a documentary about Jim Jones and how he started, and ended, the Peoples Temple. The subject matter was great, I’ve always been fascinated by it, but the actual documentary seemed very amateur, something a college student would produce. I didn’t feel like I got any new ripples from it, adding to the theme of the rippleless night. But if you don’t know anything about Jim Jones and the Peoples Temple, I highly recommend you do some research, it’s very interesting. Go on, get yourself a couple ripples!

This morning I woke up early and went on the longest run I’ve ever ran, however I’m not exactly sure how far it is. I run the exterior of Prospect Park in Brooklyn, NY, a beautiful park, especially now that it’s fall. Once around is 3.75, I ran once around and about half of the rest of the park, which I guess means I ran right around 6 miles. For a former smoking fat ass whose favorite food was crab ran goon and Hostess cupcakes, it’s a big improvement.

While reading other runners stories and talking to them I’m always interested in what they’re thinking while running. Many have a mantra they chant to themselves, especially during particularly difficult runs. Others just go blank, clear their heads and go. From the start of my run until the end the one major thought that continually goes through my mind is what I’ll be able to eat after I run. You can take the fat away from the fat Midwestern boy but you can’t take the love of food away from him, that’s in the genes man! Saturday’s are especially good food thought days because I go on long runs, which means I’ll need to eat more when finished. This morning I had a banana, wheat pancakes, eggs and toast, heaven on a plate. Add a slab of bacon and sausage and you’ve got a Denny’s breakfast, who doesn’t love a classic Grand Slam breakfast?

This afternoon I’m going to see Volver by Pedro Almodovar with my good friend Yahaira. If you’re not familiar with Pedro’s work (we’re on a first name basis), you need to go out and rent All About My Mother, Talk to Her and Bad Education. He is undoubtedly one of the best filmmakers working today and many Americans aren’t familiar with his work. He’s amazing, and kind of looks like a guerrilla, but a lovable one, one you’d want to share your banana with. Go see Volver!

Side Note: I saw 51 Birch Street this past week, a documentary about a son finding out more than he wanted to know about his parent’s marriage after the death of his mother. A very simple film but really well done, it’s more than just a diary for the filmmaker, it’s a study in the concept of marriages and what they meant back in the day and what they mean today. If it comes to your city go see it, you won’t be sorry.

Oh, I forgot to tell you this one story from this past week. So I found this guys cell phone, and I was like…

A Scott round up:
- One friend down, what’s a boy to do?
- A six week vacation in sunny St. Louis, just watch out for the bullet
- Democrats have control of Congress, hide the liquor cabinet key from kiddies!
- Great Scott, Live and Exposed!

So I haven’t written anything in a while which totally goes against what I initially intended (to keep a blog every day in order to encourage more writing on my part), but life got in the way, sue me. No, actually don’t sue me, I couldn’t afford it.

I go through friends like Anna Nicole Smith goes through children, one goes down and another pops out. I have a handful of core friends that I’m very close with and that I’m sure will be around for many years to come, I appreciate them and value our friendship dearly. What makes those relationships so strong is that we do not live in the same city, for if we did the friendship would expire. I cannot explain why this is, I’m working on it the best I can, but the simple fact is that the moment I think I can be more then a no frills friend (meaning I could actually be best friends with somebody and see them often), not long after that starts it fizzles. What’s my lesson from this: I must accept the fact that I spend most of my time alone, enjoy it and am a no frills friend. I don’t need to see somebody on a regular basis to be good friends, or talk often. I’m not sure what this says about me, I wonder what Jung would think?

Next Friday I will hop on a plane for St. Louis, MO. Actually that’s a lie; I’ll land in Chicago, spend the night there and then head to St. Louis. I’m staying in Chicago to see if there’s really a chance that I will move back there this next summer. After that I will be calling the most dangerous city in the United States home for six weeks, a bullet proof vest will be packed for extra security. As I’ve gotten older I’ve fallen more in love with my family (how much does that sound like a line from a bad TV movie?). I plan on watching cable TV, running, eating, and doing comedy. Call Scott plain and tall, Midwest here I come!

Now that the Democrats have control of Congress I can’t help but think, what are we going to fight for now? Being a loyal Democrat I’m incredibly happy that we finally can create the change that is needed for this country, but with the power so evenly divided is it possible for the country to accept a (gulp) bipartisan government? Could it be that with Democrats and Republicans working together they will set politics aside and start focusing on the issues that truly effect Americans? It is at this point that I wake up and realize that Bush is still the President and happily realize that we’ve still got him to bitch about. What’s more American then bitching about politics?

Next Tuesday my graduation show will go up. It’s only Level One of Improv and of course I have all kinds of failures to achieve before I can truly be any good, but I’m so proud I took the class. Comedy is where it’s at, it’s what I want to do, I will figure out a way to make it my career if it’s the last thing I do (which it very well could be, especially if I starve to death from unemployment – but do I really have to worry about that now that Democrats have control?). This past year has been all about improvements and changes, even though I don’t like using the word change. I feel like I’ve gotten to a very happy place, I don’t know necessarily what I want but I at least know what I like to do. It’s a wonderful feeling, almost as wonderful as a beautifully decorated cupcake waiting for you when you get back to St. Louis (family, are you reading this?).

I’m happy, are you? I hope so. If not, turn that frown upside down, shake the dirty emotions out of you and take a bite out of the Twinkie that is life! The creamy filling goodness drips down your chin as the sugar rushes through your body, you’re turned on, yes, oh yes…

Excuse me…