What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. I’m so marrying a midget.

I arrived last night, the countdown to the marathan has begun. Sunday morning at 6:12 AM I will run 26.2 miles. I’m so nervous I can’t poop. Seriously. I’m nothing if not honest. All I want to do is poop. I’ve taken pills, drank coffee, upped my fiber - nothin. It will happen… I hope. Wouldn’t that be a nasty picture at the 15th mile of the marathon?

Pictures, stories and all sorts of other goodies will come, but probably not until December 4th when I’m sitting all cozy like in St. Louis, Missouri. Until then, be well blogger friends, wish me luck.

BTW, I think my friend Meaghan should be able to get my stand-up on YouTube. The moment it’s on there I will post it here.

Okay, take care, I’s got some exploring to do!

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I think I finally found the one guys. I secretly knew deep down that I would wind up with an artist.

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I apologize for the language, watch the video and you’ll understand.

Love Graham Norton!

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I’m convinced that the weather people on the local news in Los Angeles secretly get a kick out horrible weather conditions hitting California. There’s this air of glee that one can detect when they talk about the fires, or an earthquake, even the occasional rain. These tragedies give them the opportunity to say something other than, “It’s going to be a beautiful day out there.”

Angelinos are blessed with a fantastic climate (looking past the smog). So to compensate for not having much to report, the weather people the local stations put on are either eye candy or there for the sake of humor. The women are no older than 25 (or made to look that way) and the men would have been used car salesmen if they weren’t on the air. The ladies show the boobs and the fellas either don’t wear ties or don unconventional colored shirts to give off the impression that their “cool” or “hip.”

Recently I saw this one forecaster (or something like that) talking about the Santa Ana winds and the information he’s been getting from the National Weather Service. “Whenever I get the word of change in the temperature or conditions from my friends at the NWS, I’ll be sure to report it to ya,” he said with the smile of a schmuck as he enunciated ‘ya’. National Weather Service? Isn’t that just Weather.com?

What if he typed in 10010 (New York zip code) instead of 90010 (Los Angeles zip code)?

“A winter advisory warning is in effect for all of Los Angeles! Not only is it freezing out there but a massive snowstorm appears to be on its way. Break out the parka’s friends. Wait, scratch that, go out and buy a parka, you’re gonna need it!”

All of Los Angeles would be in a panic. That forecast would be a modern day version of Orson Welle’s broadcast of War of the Worlds. People would be killing for the last pair of gloves.

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I rarely enjoy laughing at the misfortune of others, but with this guy it’s too hard to contain the glee.

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I feel fat. No, I take that back, I feel pudgy. Yes, pudgy, great word (or is it even a word?). I try to limit my body image talk, being a FFF (Former Fat Fuck), food and weight issues are often on my mind, which can sometimes lead to excessive discussion on my part. I bring it up today with good reason.

The marathon is in exactly one week. I’ve begun to tapper my miles, the lack of distance in my running is throwing me for a loop. I’m used to running 40 miles a week, this week I’ll only run 20. The combination of this, and the feast of Thanksgiving, has not contributed towards a healthy outlook towards my physical appearance.

Last night I ate popcorn, which seemed like a good idea at the time but has proven to have been a horrible decision. I was suppose to run 3 miles this morning but woke up feeling bloated (what a horrible word), bloating leads to cramping when running. I’ll run the 3 miles later on today, that’s no thing, but it still doesn’t help the overall feeling of pudginess.

Los Angeles has not been good for my figure. I’ve gained an easy 15 pounds here. A change is needed. A detox will occur in St. Louis, and then a total overhaul will happen in New York. Maybe that’s how I’ll live for the next couple of years, lose the 15 pounds I gained from June til November while in New York from January til June, and then just gain it all back again when I return. Come to think of it, that plan does not sound like a good idea.

I must get it into my head that I’m fine, even with the little gift of weight LA gave me, because I’m still eating right and being physically active. In the back of my head there’s that little fear that I might fall off the wagon and get fat again, which will always be there I suppose. One day at a time.

Just because I’m spending Thanksgiving alone this year (forgive my obligatory soapbox moment, moving on…), doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t go all out. I love Thanksgiving. Even though I can’t be with the people that I love (well, I do love myself, but you know what I’m throwin down), I will still give thanks and show my gratitude by gorging on massive amounts of yumminess.

BEFORE

AFTER Happy Thanksgiving!

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Who is Leslie? I’ll let her explain…

Why is she so cool? Besides the video below, check out her website. Seriously, she is my new best friend.

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I don’t feel like writing today. So what do I do when I’m in front of the computer and don’t feel like writing? I watch endless YouTube clips. Figured I would share some of what I’m watching with y’all.

Here’s a little Lucy. How could you not love Lucy? Enjoy!

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I’m on my holiday vacation. Because of the company I work for, I get from the middle of November until the beginning of the new year off. Jealous?

I will not complain, that would be selfish. I am at a bit of a loss though. It’s Monday, start of the week, yet for me it feels like a very lonely Sunday. I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to send e-mails but have nobody to send them to (I need more friends). Oprah is already annoying me. I’m living meal to meal, planning dinner while I eat lunch. Is this how newly retired people feel?

I feel adventures are in order. Tonight I will be hitting up the famous Grauman’s Chinese Theater (the one with all the footprints out front) to see The Wizard of Oz. Should I dress up? It would be so old Hollywood of me.

Please, give me tips. I need creative advice on what to do. What do you do with your time off? Before you answer that, remember, The Scott Blog is a family blog, so be clean!

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