I visited the Statue of Liberty with my family this past Friday.  I woke up late, so I just pulled on a pair of jeans and left.  I was wearing my neon green shirt that reads, “This is What a Jewish Feminist Looks Like.”  Nobody was supposed to see the shirt, it would be hidden under my coat.

When we arrived at the park there were hundreds of Midwestern looking tourists.  I was shocked by how much security you had to go through to visit the monument.  They made me take my coat off.  Then they went through my bag, pulling out a book on transgendered people, my emergency date bikini underwear and a slew of condoms.

In that moment I became the definition of what millions of people think happens to people when they move to New York.  Immediately I became a radical, feminist, gay, transgendered, Jew!

I read all my favorite news/blogs on my Blackberry (that I’ve lovingly named Blanche after the spitfire Blanche Devereaux of “Golden Girls” fame), typically on the subway. I feel that I should potentially stop doing this, for this morning I got so hot headed I almost jumped right off the Williamsburg bridge. Why, you ask? After reading this, and then this, and then this, oh yeah and I cannot forget this.

It’s all over the news people, Hillary Clinton was in the White House when Bill was getting a little tickle tickle from Miss Monica. What an evil bitch, right? How could she not know, right? That’s it guys, I’m officially endorsing Obama, how could Hillary have let this happen under her watch?

COME ON PEOPLE! I’m disgusted by the American press and their bias. Who gives a shit whether she was in the house or not. As my friend James said this morning, it’s a classic case of blame the victim. Bill did it, not Hillary! This is not news.

Then people go on to “report” her international activities as first lady. Somehow visiting young girls who have suffered horrible female genital mutilation isn’t as worthy as a group of over hyped (typically white guys) sitting around a table, barely negotiating their way out of a shoe box. If anything her travels and encounters as first lady on the international stage is more legitimate then the Presidents, for she was able to meet with actual people whom are suffering, the people in the mix of it, and not just the leaders who are just as detached as the President.

Sexism is the root of many of the perils facing America today, but it’s alright to be sexist in America, just not racist. Women of color are the largest growing group of people getting infected with the HIV virus, their male partners cannot admit to themselves that they are gay, and thus infecting their female partners whom are still subjected to the powerful hand of the “man.” Gloria Steinem never made her way to the ghetto.

Obama has a preacher that says AIDS was invented by the government to hurt the African American community, Hillary has a husband that cheated on her. Obama makes an honest speech NOT denouncing Wright, Clinton stands by her husband, gets made to look a fool for doing so, moves on and runs for President. Obama is the hero, but Clinton is the schmuck? I smell a double standard, and it smells like shit.

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OKAY, on an unrelated note, one of my favorite actors, Paul Scofield, passed away. He was in one of my absolute favorite movies, A Man for All Seasons. If you haven’t seen it, rent it! It’s about Thomas More, who vocally disagreed with King Henry VIII’s position to leave the Roman Catholic church so he could get a divorce and marry his lady of the moment. More wasn’t down with that and decided to just live out his days as a regular Englishman. Well the King wasn’t having it and decided to execute More. DRAMA!

Scofield was amazing, he will be missed.

“God made the angels to show Him splendor, as He made animals for innocence and plants for their simplicity. But Man He made to serve Him wittily, in the tangle of his mind. If He suffers us to come to such a case that there is no escaping, then we may stand to our tackle as best we can, and, yes, Meg, then we can clamor like champions, if we have the spittle for it. But it’s God’s part, not our own, to bring ourselves to such a pass. Our natural business lies in escaping.” - Sir Thomas More in A Man for All Seasons

The new Governor of New York is blind.  His wife is kind of hot.  Does anyone else find this totally unfair to ugly people?  It’s not like ugly people have much to choose from in the sex department, blind people are totally up their alley.  The First Lady of New York is double dipping, hitting up the hotness vibe while taking advantage of the handicap card.  Ugh, politicians make me sick!

Some people wonder what the “H” stands for in my name. Allow me to explain.

First of all, it is pronounced Han-a-ger, but upon first glance one says Ho-nigger. Let it be known that I have nothing against slutty women or black people.

The first day of school was always the worst. The teacher would take roll call, “Cindy Edwards, Tracey Goodman, Scott Honiger, wait, that can’t be right.”

I had this one substitute teacher who would correct kids in class, telling them, “Do not say his name that way, it’s racist.” The kids went home and told their parents I was racist. Word spread quick. I went to my mom, whom had remarried and taken a different last name, and asked for advice. She said, “It will make you stronger.”

Thank you very much, I’m Honiger Alan Scott.

One of the best things that my parents instilled in me is the value of a dollar.

When I was a kid we would often have movie nights, the whole clan would pile into the van and head to the local Cineplex.  My parents would take turns choosing the film.  On this particular occassion, my dad chose Boogie Nights.

I was 15 when Boogie Nights burst (quite literally) onto the scene.  We didn’t do much research on the film, all my dad knew was that it took place in the 70’s, which explained why it was rated R.  I suppose he was thinking it would have light drug use and a little sex.  It was called Boogie Nights, dancing was for sure to be apart of it.  Maybe it was a musical?!?

Because we’re Mormon, we went to an early show so we could go to eat afterwards and make it home by a decent time to get a full nights rest before church the next morning.  We claimed our seats, candy and popcorn in hand, a settled in for a night at the movies.

When Julianne Moore’s character said to Dirk, “Come on my tits, if you can, okay? Just pull it out and do it on my stomach and my tits,” I knew I would never live this moment down.  To my right was my 13 year old little brother, my mother on my left.

After Dirk had trouble getting erect, I asked my mother if we should leave.  “No, we paid for this, we will get our money’s worth!  How much worse can it get, honestly?”

Then Dirk pulled out his penis during the final moments of the film, my mother said, “Okay, I guess it can get worse.”

We walked the Mormon walk of shame out of the theater.  My mother, trying to make the best of the situation, said, “Look at it this way, having a large penis like Dirk only leads to drug abuse and pornography, you boys should be proud to have small ones.”

The Hills are alive with the sound of Clinton. thanks Tam

The race is still on! Exit polls show that voters do not want Clinton to pull out of the race. Some argue that this is bad for the party, but I kindly disagree. People are excited, turning out in huge numbers, they want to be apart of the process; if anything ending the campaign now would be apart of the old way of doing things (something Obama says he isn’t about).

Both campaigns ran great statewide efforts. I wish Obama would have defended himself against Clinton’s very just national security arguments (I say they are “just” because Obama said they were in the last debate). If he can’t counter a legitimate argument, then why should I vote for him?

Some have said Clinton’s campaign is over. Obviously it is not. Some say there’s no way she can secure the nomination now, mathematically it isn’t possible. Well that’s just flat wrong. She has seven weeks to not only win big in Pennsylvania, but also turn the tide and win (and win back in some cases) the support of superdelegates, and pick up small wins in the rest of the states that need to vote. And of course if the Governor’s of Florida and Michigan follow through and hold another primary, and she wins there, then the nomination is hers. It’s totally mathematically possible.

Allegiance aside, this is an amazing race, I’m loving every minute of it.

Is it just me or did anybody else think that Oprah’s new show, the “Big Give,” was about bowel movements?  Color me shocked!

The show that comes on before Oprah’s is “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.”  This show proves a point I’ve been making for years: white and black people are different.  If you aren’t familiar with the show, Ty Pennington and his yuppy groupies descend on a poor and/or tragedy stricken family, send them to Disney World and build them a massive house.  Totally noble, even if it’s not always well thought out (does a blind boy really need a plasma flat-screen TV in his bedroom?). 

The divide in the races lies in the initial discovery of the new house.  The white families will cry, pray, hug, and probably shake a little.  BORING!  The black families will fall to the ground, scream-pray to the Lord, attack Ty and all in all truly let their emotions take control. 

When did white people become so uncool?  Below are a couple of examples:

The Rat Tail

The Christmas Sweater

This Guy