Everybody is not gay. That is something that may come as a shock to my homosexual friends out there. Everybody is not gay.

Many gay people will automatically assume that this celebrity or that celebrity is gay. Oprah, George Clooney, Tom Cruise, I’ve even heard Dolly Parton; all are apparently gay. Why? Or rather, how do you know? I will be the first to admit that I have poor gaydar, but I would feel safe putting money down on Dolly Parton being pretty straight. Just saying.

It’s not that we need icons. We’ve got Madonna, Bette, Cher, Barbra. And for the younger gays, they’ve got Britney, Christina, Beyonce. Placing false hope in Clooney coming out of the closest is a waste of time, don’t you think?

Next time I hear somebody say that so and so is gay, I’m going to retort with, “Really? Cause I heard that Melissa Etheridge is actually bisexual,” (nobody would believe she were straight). Or rather, “Ellen DeGeneres secretly married Dr. Phil over the weekend. Seriously. It’s a merger of talk show greatness.”

Ashton Kutcher is gay though, that rumor is true.

Even though I’ve switched my support to Obama, I totally agree with this chick!

Without fail, every time I return home from a trip, and the plane flys by the New York City skyline, I think, “Holy hell, I can’t believe I actually live there.” My friend Bryan put it well, “… to have moved to the biggest city in the country and made a life for yourself…” I love this city!

But I won’t be here for much longer. On June 15th I leave for Los Angeles for my six month stretch out there. But come 2009 I’ll be back in the Big Apple. But before I leave I’ve got some funny business to take care of. Check out my MySpace page for a complete listing of where I’ll be performing in the next couple of weeks. Come to a show, I guarantee you’ll laugh at least once (I’ll tickle ya if I have to).

When news broke yesterday about Hillary Clinton’s statement on RFK not getting the nomination until June (and saying the word assisination), at first I didn’t put the connection together with RFK and Obama. Then the hoopla began. Seriously? Do you really think she intendted to imply that Obama could potentially get assassinated, and THAT’S why she remains in the race? Come on people!

Read her op-ed.

I seriously am sick and tired of this ridiculous double standard that the press puts upon Clinton. I support Obama now, but it disgusts me to see the way the press handles Clinton. Obama calls a reporter “Sweetie” in Oregon, that barely makes the news. Why? Is it not a sexist remark? Is it not demeaning? Of course it is, but Obama said it, so it’s alright. He slipped, no big deal.

Come on people!

My little brother has graduated from college. It’s an amazing achievement, I’m very proud. To honor the occassion, I’ve traveled half-way across the country to spend the holiday weekend with the family in St. Louis, MO.

First impressions? I’m loving the green. It’s everywhere! Holy hell, the tree’s, the grass, the hills, green, green, green. I’m in heaven, runner’s heaven!

Oh, being home, even for a short amount of time, is splendid. Holla for St. Louis!

One of my favorite things to do when I was a kid was fake an illness, stay home from school, watch daytime TV and eat a lot.  In fact, I would eat so much that I don’t even feel like it should be called eating, gorging massive amounts of food is more like.

In the mornings I would watch the “Today” show, then “Regis & Kathie Lee,” and end my morning with “The Price is Right.”  The news came on at noon (BORING), so that’s when I pooped.

But once 1:00 rolled around it was party time.  Not only was it time for a full hour of “Three’s Company,” but it was also lunch time!  I would get some Wonder Bread, bologna, and Kraft cheese, and zap that shit in the microwave until it was all moist and melted and gooey and yummy.  I’d throw in some Cheeto’s on the side and bring a pudding cup with me back to the TV.  In that moment I was so happy.

I tell you this story from my childhood for no other reason other then I’ve been working non-stop this week at AIDS Walk New York, and mentally I’m doing all I can to get to the happy spot.  I am happy, just sleep deprived.  Thinking of zapped Bologna sandwiches brings a smile to my face.

xoxo

What are you doing this weekend? I’ll be in Central Park getting things ready for the 47,000+ people who will attend AIDS Walk New York on Sunday, May 18th. Click the image below to be directed to the AIDS Walk page. Register and come on down, it’s going to be a fantastic day!

Alright, I admit it, I have a nose hair problem. I blame it on my German heritage. Or just the fact that I have a hairy father. However, I am not hairy. Only in the nose. What’s up with that?

I’ve recently discovered Philips Norelco Ear and Nose Hair Groomer. Color me a satisfied customer. It’s like I’m a new man or something, I’ve never breathed so freely through my nose before. I guess I had more of an amazon growing in there then I thought. If you suffer from this problem, I highly suggest you pick up this nifty little trimmer.

You know you’ve reached a certain age when a nose hair trimmer excites you. I need to pick up a habit or something, one of the cool ones (overeating does not cool make).

It’s no secret, I love bananas.  They are my favorite fruit, part of my daily morning routine and they simply make me happy.  When I was a kid I would run around the house as “Banana Man.”  I would eat a whole bunch of bananas at once, get sick, and pass out.  Shocked that my mother would let me do this?  I have a feeling that she let me do it in order to get me down for the afternoon.

Last night “60 Minutes” had a story about the Chiquita Banana company sat quiet while the Colombian government killed many of it’s people.  In fact, they supposedly even worked with the government at the time, indirectly assisting in the deaths.  That’s so tragic.

This morning I woke up dying for a banana.  I refuse to believe the story had any effect on my cravings (but let’s be honest, nothing would ever keep me from enjoying a banana, I’m “Banana Man!”).  I went from deli to deli, no bananas anywhere.  I visited at least 7 deli’s, not one banana.  Did they see “60 Minutes” as well?  Could this be God sending me a message?