This is going to be the best campaign ever people!

John McCain: Hi Sarah.

Sarah Palin: Hi John, how have you been?

John McCain: Oh, you know, alright.  My arthreitis has been flaring up lately, but other then that things are fine.  Say, I’ve got to ask you something.  Could you do me a favor?

Sarah Palin: Sure John, anything, what’s up?

John McCain:  Would you be my Vice President?  You see, you’re perfect for the job.  You’ve been Governor of a state that nobody knows anything about for nearly a year, you have five children (one of which has down syndrome), and are currently under investigation for ehtics violations.  Obviously you’re experienced, have tons of free time and have the moral standing to properly lead if, God for bid, something happens to me.  What do ya say?

Sarah Palin: Oh John, I’m touched, really. Yes, I accept!

The TV in the locker room at my gym is always tuned to CNN.  It hangs above a row of lockers.  The other night Mark Warner, the fabulous former Governor of Virginia and current candidate U.S. Senate from the state, was giving the keynote speech at the Democratic Convention.

Underneath the screen was a man, very fit, blond, attractive.  He just returned from the showers, and was slowly drying himself off.  First the right leg, then the foot, then the left leg, then the foot, then the thighs… you get the picture.

I looked around the locker room and noticed a surprisingly large amount of men were intensly interested in what Mark Warner had to say.  It was as if Jesus himself were speaking at the Convention.  Behold, the great and dynamic Mark Warner!

I bet you not a one of them even know what state he’s from.

Have you heard of the 6 word auto-biography?  A new book is out chronicling 25,000 known and unknown authors memoirs, each consisting of only 6 words.

Not one to shy away from a challenge, I wrote my own 6 word memoir: “Bloated gay Mormon seeks alternative lifestyle.”  Not dynamic, just my truth.

As a comic, I felt I should take it a step further with the 3 word joke.  It is hard, but I’ve come up with a couple, let me know what you think:

“Extreme lubrication required.”

“Just say no.”

“May cause diarrhea.”

And my personal favorite, “President John McCain.”

I’m going to Chicago this weekend.  I can’t wait!  Come to the show if you can.

One of my favorite things to do in Chicago is to hit up my absolute favorite diner, Melrose.  My favorite meal at Melrose is the Turkey American Croissant Sandwich.  Piles and piles of turkey underneath a heaping serving of melted American Cheese.  Naturally I would get extra mayo in order to use as dipage.  Yes, I suppose you could say I had a death wish consuming it.  But what’s so amazing about Melrose is that you get a banana with every dish.  A banana, people, my favorite fruit!  Holy cow!

But upon further thought, I guess consuming a banana after a sandwich like that probably isn’t the best idea.  I mean, you don’t really want anything stopping the natural movement of that sandwich from exiting your body.

But man, wow, what a meal!

BUY TICKETS

I like to try new things.  Recently I went to a leather bar, and I must say it was fascinating.  I’m a vegetarian, so during my conversations with the clientale, I offered a couple of animal friendly solutions to the leather lifestyle.  For example, instead of using a leather whip they could use bamboo!  Rather then hanging up a leather harness, they could use one of those wicker chairs that hang from the ceiling.  There’s always an alternative.

One gentleman asked if I was into golden showers.  Shocked, I said, “Of course not!  Global warming is a very serious issue and should not be taken lightly!”  Another man suggested I might enjoy fisting.  Frustrated, I responded, “Sir, there’s already enough violence on television, we as the gay community should not perpetuate negative stereotypes about our community.”

It’s as if I had walked into a meeting of the conservative right.  Not only did they not believe in global warming, they advocated violence!

What is this world coming to?

No matter how old you get, Friday will always remain a very special day.  You go out and do something, anything, and you’re filled with such purpose, the weekend holds so many possibilities.  Lord, I love Friday!

I have many plans for this weekend.  Tonight I’m seeing the new Woody Allen flick, Vicky Christina Barcelona.  I love Woody Allen, at least most of his stuff.  My favorites are Annie Hall (of course), The Purple Rose of Cairo, Bullets Over Broadway and Manhattan Murder Mystery.  I’ve heard that Penelope Cruz is amazing in it, and anything with Javier Bardem is just fine with me.  Color me thrilled!

The New Beverly Cinema is also showing Alfred Hitchcock’s Notorious, I’ve never seen it, so I’m thrilled to see it on the big screen.  If you come to Los Angeles (or live here), and love movies, go to the New Beverly Cinema!  Seriously people, it’s a fantastic theater, privately owned and operated, and always is showing something that makes you say, “Wow, I’ve always wanted to see that on the big screen.”  Check out their website and add them as a friend on MySpace.  SUPPORT THIS THEATER!

Ever had Ethiopian food?  It’s amazing, I love it, and I’ve been craving it for weeks now.  So this weekend I’m going to check out the local Ethiopian community and their fabulous dining establishments.  It’s strange, how is it that Ethiopian food is so good, yet they’re all starving?

Happy weekend y’all!

I love the Olympics.  I’m very athletic, so I have an appreciation for the sports.  I’m a big fan of men’s swimming, and men’s diving, pretty much any of the men’s water events.  Men’s track and field is fun, I love watching them jiggle, I mean run down the track.  And of course I’m a huge fan of men’s wrestling.  Wow, intense, right?  It effects me deeply to see two young, athletic men tactfully wrestle one another down until one wins by pinning the other down.  It’s moving, literally, I can feel the rise in excitement the match generates.

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NBC is making buku bucks off the Olympics.  China is raking in the tourist dollars.  It seems like everybody is making money of these games.  Everybody except owners of gay male adult video shops.  Every four years during the summer Olympics sales plummit.