What does it say about me that musicians like Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan make me feel pretty?  They’re voices seriously put me in a romantic mood, I’m turned on!  Perhaps I have a condition?

On this season of VH1’s “The Surreal Life,” the losing candidates of the Republican and Democratic primary elections for the Presidency.  Below, a teaser…

Sarah Palin: Welcome candidates.  As the former Vice Presidential nominee for the Republican Party, it is within my juristiction as a Maverick (wink) to welcome you to your new home for the next few weeks.

Mike Gravel: You’re not Alaska, I’m Alaska!

Bill Richardson: Are there any Durrito’s?

Hillary Clinton: I can speak from experience, you must watch your diet, remember what happened to Bill, um, Bill.

Fred Thomspon: I was asked to play Bill in a TV Movie.  For weeks I ate BBQ ribs and enduced a heart attack.  I’m a method actor.

Rudy Giuliani: I just like wearing dresses.

Ron Paul: You’re all going to hell!

Dennis Kucinich: There is no hell.  And I hope this house is vegan friendly.

John Edwards: Just no cameras in the bathroom, please, I’ve had too much trouble with people poking fun at my grooming habits.

Chris Dodd: I don’t know why I’m here.  I only ran to get on TV.

Hillary Clinton: You don’t know why you’re here?!?  I almost had it!

Mike Huckabee: Can we pray?

Sarah Palin: I can tell you all are going to get along just swell.

Stay tuned!

Look at the size of that soda?!?

I’m performing tonight at a Hostel.  Let’s hope they aren’t hostel.  :-)  Sorry, I just had to say it.

Seriously though, I’m concerned that most of the audience will be foreign.  I’m not sure that many foreigners have an understanding of what it’s like to be gay and Mormon.  The joke isn’t funny if you have to explain it, you know?

Perhaps I could just trash President Bush and denounce my American citizenship, they love that shit.

*****

A change is coming to America next Tuesday y’all.  It’s going to be huge!

The new season of “The Amazing Race” premieres on CBS.  I love this show.  I’ve read that this season is going to be especially good.  Check it out.

Something else is going on as well?  You’re suppose to vote I think, but I could have swore that “American Idol” was on hiatus.  Vote for what?

Is every brunette in the United States going to be Sarah Palin for Halloween?  If so, does that mean every senior citizen is going to be John McCain?

*****

I’m heading back to New York City on Sunday, November 16th.  My stay in Los Angeles has been lovely.  This city is certainly strange, but it holds a special place in my heart.  I came out here for work, but am leaving feeling pretty complete as an artist and person.  They call this the city of angels, I don’t know about that, angels shouldn’t be made of silicon.  No judgment though, no judgment!

In any case, life realities need attention.  I need a home in NYC!  If you know of anybody that needs a roomie or hear of a fantastic apartment, let me know.

This past weekend I did something everybody should do before they die, drive Pacific Coast Highway 1.  I have never seen anything more beautiful.

Starting in Los Angeles heading north, my first stop was Santa Barbara.  Beautiful community, sleepy beach town really, but the salty air sets the tone for the place.  Then Solvang, the hidden Danish community filled with lovely Apfelskiver’s.  After a wine tasting, next came San Luis Obispo.  This place is fantastic!  Great people, beautiful community, and Bali’s Yogurt makes it all worth it.  Hearst Castle in San Simeon is not to be missed if you go, but before you hit the castle, stop by the Nit Wit Ridge House, a house made entirely of recycled materials (junk!).  Then Big Sur.  Wow, just wow!  Monterey/Pacifi Grove, lovely beach side community, not much going on, but who cares, sit back and enjoy the view.  I checked out the mystery spot in Santa Cruz where the laws of gravity don’t really matter, and for a hot second checked out San Jose.  Gilroy, the garlic capital of the world, mighty tasty.  And finally, along the 5 freeway on the way home, Mike’s Roadhouse, a tasty little place to get a tuna sandwich and a baked potato.

Just fantastic!

Just a hint.

Come to West Hollywood Park this Sunday, October 19th. Opening Ceremony starts at 9AM. For more info, go to www.aidswalk.net/losangeles.

Match.com makes you feel like you’re in high school again, in a good way.  You see somebody you’re interested in, maybe give em a wink or send a message.

While I’m on the wink, allow me to explain.  If you’re interested in somebody, you can send a virtual “wink.”  I enjoy this wink much more than Facebook’s “poke.”  Who wants to be poked?  I suppose a poke on Match.com would carry a different meaning then it does on Facebook, what with it being a dating website and all.  I certainly do not want to be virtually date poked.

Alright, back to the point.  Once you decide to continue communication with the person of interest, typically I like to chat on the phone, get a feel for the person.  This is nice, and I feel has been lost on a great number of single folks out there.  Just chatting, talking about this and that, it’s fun.  sometimes the simplest answers are the best answers.

I’ve woken up in a different spot from where I’ve fallen asleep twice in the past week.  Twice!  I’ve never suffered from sleepwalking before, this is very strange.  Last night I locked my door and piled some clothes in front of it, that seemed to work.

Perhaps it isn’t sleepwalking at all.  Often times I get up to use the restroom, perhaps I just got lost on my way back to my bed, got tired of looking for it and just fell asleep whereever I was at that moment.  Unfortunately I just happened to be in the hallway one night and in the fetal position in front of the TV.

Thankfully my roommate is away, or else she would have found me in my banana boxer shorts and my “This is What a Jewish Feminist Looks Like” neon green shirt.

*****

Watching “Project Runway?”  I hate to admit that I am.  I never thought I was one of those gay guys, but alas, I am.

I think Leanne is going to win.  She’s not really my type, but she’s earthy and green, and everyone seems to be jumping on the “Hug a Tree” bandwagon.  When she wins I want her to say, “But there’s one person who really deserves the credit for my win, Vice President Al Gore.”