Love Story: Sally and Ted

Below is the story of the love affair between Sally and Ted, two easy going Seahorses.

Ted: Hi, I’m Ted.

Sally: Hi, I’m Sally.  You’re cute.

Ted: You’re not too bad looking yourself.

Sally: Would you like to dance?

Ted: You’re very bold.  

Sally: I get what I want.

Ted: Well then, maybe later. (Ted swims off)

Sally is confused.  She has never been turned down like this before.  A couple days later…

Sally: Hey, Ted!

Ted: Hi, um, Susie, right?

Sally: No, Sally.  What happened, was it something I said?

Ted: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Sally: A couple days ago, I asked you to dance but you said no and left.  I didn’t know if maybe I upset you.

Ted: Oh, I’m sorry.  Would you like to dance?

Sally: No.  See you later.

Sally is no spring oyster, she’s played this game before and is bringing her A game.  The next day…

Ted: Okay, Sally, let’s be mature Seahorses about this.  You like me, I like you.

Sally: Alright, you’re right, would you still like to dance?

Ted: I can’t today, I’ve got an algae date with an old friend.  Not date date, you know, just meeting up.  

Sally: When will you be free for 8 hours?

Ted: Let me check. (Ted pulls out his IPearl)  I could meet up tomorrow at 6pm.  Does that work for you?

Sally: See you then!

Sally spends hours getting ready.  Ted is late.

Ted: Hey, oh man am I sorry for being late!  

Sally: Whatever, you obviously aren’t into me.

Ted: Oh, my little starfish, I think you’re beautiful.

Sally: You’re just saying that cause you want to rub my snout.

Ted: No, I mean it, you’re the prettiest Seahorse this side of the mangrove.

Sally: Really?  You mean, you want to take my ovipositor?

Ted: It’d be an honor.

Sally: Shall we do the true-courtship dance?

Ted: I thought you’d never ask.

For the next 8 hours, Sally and Ted do the true-courtship dance, spinning together, Ted pumps water through his egg pouch, showing Sally that it’s empty, which is a turn on for Sally.

Sally: I like your egg pouch.

Ted: I thought you would.

Sally continues to talk dirty to Ted.  At which point they spin upward and Sally inserts her ovipositor into Ted’s brood pouch, depositing her eggs.

The next day…

Ted: It’s official, I’m pregnant.

Sally: Oh Ted, I’m so happy.

Ted: Me too.  My tail is swollen.

During the course of the next 15 days, Sally visits Ted every morning.  They promenade, holding each other’s tails.  On the 15th day Ted gives birth to 1000 baby seahorses.

Sally: Look at what we created.

Ted: It’s amazing.  You’re going to be a good Mama Seahorse.

Sally: Excuse me?  I’m done.  We’re done.  Their born, we’ve done our job, swim, be free!

Ted: But Sally, how can we just abandon them?  How can you abandon me?

Sally: Um, cause like, there’s a million other fish in the sea, so to speak…  

Ted is sad.  He fell in love with Sally.  Because he loves her, he does as she wishes and abandons the baby Seahorses and her.

Weeks go by.  Sally has slept with countless other Seahorses (and one particularly awkward encounter with a pipe fish).  But something is off, she’s lost her mojo.  What’s wrong with her, she wonders.

Sally: I love Ted!

She swims back to his mangrove.  Upon her arrival she sees Ted tending to his algae.  

Sally: Ted, hi, it’s Sally.

Ted: (barely looking up from his algae) Oh, hi.  

Sally: Listen Ted, I know you’re upset.  I just…

Ted: Upset, me, no, I’m fine, I’ve got my algae!

Sally: Ted, just hear me out.  You see, I’m just a Seahorse, floating in front of another seahorse, asking him to show me his egg pouch.  Ted, can I touch your empty egg pouch?

Ted: I’m sorry Sally, I can’t.

Sally leaves.  As she swims away she hears a song.  She can’t make it out, but it sounds like percussion’s.  She turns around to see Ted standing in front of 1000′s of seashorses.  

Ted: Sally, (singing) darling, it’s better down where it’s wetter, take it from me.  Let’s promenade!  

And they lived happily ever after!