Brutal Honesty

Being optimistically single, you go on a lot of dates.  What I mean by “optimistically single” is that yes, I am single, but I optimistically search for somebody.

Anyway, these dates are always awkward – at first.  The getting to know you stage that is supposed to be fun and cute really irks me.  Cause what am I getting to know about the other person?  How many siblings they have?  That they’re vegetarian?   They don’t like cats?  These are silly and not important facts about somebody that does me absolutely no good!

I want to know what kind of porn you watch.  Or if you’ve ever had unprotected sex.  Or that you sometimes watch Oprah naked (sort of a rebirthing experience).  But somebody can’t talk about the naughty things that actually show some character when first meeting somebody, because then they would appear to be a freak!

I went on a date with this guy once who told me he was lactose intolerant.  Good to know, he doesn’t dig the dairy, got it!  But then he started telling me what happens to him when he does eat dairy, in detail, intimate details.  I was eating black beans, ‘nough said, right?  I dismissed him, but looking back on it, he did the exact thing that I want out of a date, dirty honesty.

So I want brutal honesty, but within limits.  This is super shitty of me, I know!  Brutal honesty or nothing, unless it involves bowel movements.  Unless you use your bowel movements in other ways?  Is that a deal breaker?  I think so.  I’d hope so.  I don’t think I’m that desperate – yet.