Take THAT North Korea: Taking Kim Jong Il Down

A major difference between LA and NYC is pedestrian competition.

When I go running in LA, I pass a couple of people along the way, they smile, keep going.  In NYC there are tons of people running, but instead of smiling, we compete, at least in our heads.

For example, I live by the Williamsburg bridge, which has a wonderful running path.  At the start of the bridge I will usually pinpoint somebody to race.  Somebody within my running abilities (it’s not fair if you race a senior citizen, unless you are one, or fat, or a smoker).

My obvious competition this morning was an Asian gentleman who seemed to keep pace with me.   In my head I imagined he was a younger, more physically fit, Kim Jong Il.  There was a war between North Korea and the US, and Obama needed me to beat Kim (Obama would have done it himself, but that pesky smoking habit he’s trying to kick really hurts his running abilities).

We’re racing, I’m in front of him.  I kick ass on the incline (thank you power calves), passing Kim and many others (we’ll say Iran and Afghanistan, among other enemies of the US).  Then as things leveled out Kim passed me.  WTF?!  I manage to get in front of him, but then at the end of the first go round of the bridge he jets pass me.  I thought he had won it (what if he wasn’t running back over the bridge to where we started?!), I felt like a shitty American.  Then I noticed he was heading back to where we started, he was within my sight.  A sniper attack was in order.

I stayed a good 15 feet behind him for a good long while, keeping pace so that I could take him out.  Then, at the last 50 feet of the bridge, I sprinted pass Kim Jong Il, winning one for the United States!  I’m really looking forward to my ticker tape parade and potentially making the cover of Time magazine.