Tom Cruise’s Nanny

When I was a kid I wanted to be…

1.  a cashier at McDonalds, the grocery store, Burger King, White Castle or JC Penny’s;
2. a City Councilman, then a State Representative, then a U.S. Representative, then U.S. Senator, then Vice President (never President, too much responsibility, unless the President dies, then I’d be the really chill President, like Johnson, without the Vietnam war);
3. an actor, singer, director (like Penny Marshall), or writer;
4. Madonna’s assistant or Tom Cruise’s nanny (for his kids, not him);
5. a magazine editor for People, Vanity Fair, National Enquirer, Premiere, Entertainment Weekly or the Advocate;
6. a gay right’s advocate;
7. a teacher for inner city kids (inspired by Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds).

I suppose it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I have pursued the attention seeking career of comedy. 

Every other career I dreamed of came with the mask of something else, an entity to identify myself with.  It wasn’t just me, it was an institution that stood behind me.  Then I lost 100 lbs.

Now with stand up comedy, it’s just me, my voice, that I present to people.  I don’t want anything else to get in the way of that.  Who knew it would take a massive weight loss to be able to recognize what it is that I really wanted to do, which is essentially to be myself.  Albeit myself on stage in front of strangers sharing often embarrassing aspects of my life. 

But if that fails, I guess I could still be little Suri Cruise’s nanny.  I hear the only qualification is to have owned Days of Thunder at one point.  Um, consider me hired!