I Am Awkward

I am awkward.

I’m the guy who…

… in the midst of a rambunctious conversation, will say something so out there that I will totally stop the conversation dead in it’s tracks, and end it.

… will actually say what he’s thinking, and thus sometimes tell a woman wearing spandex, “You’re butt looks enormous.”

… on the other end of the phone conversation who will stay silent for a bit too long, and make the entire experience unpleasant for the other party.

… on the one night stand who will jokingly say, “Oh yeah, I’ve been tested, and it can back positive… positively negative!” and truly weird the guy out with my off color (and might I add stupid) joke.

… will make a sad attempt at being passive aggressive by saying, “Oh no, I didn’t want that last piece of cake, it was just being saved for a douche bag!”

… will break the ice by sharing a story about my family, which will end in, “… so then my Mom said I should embrace my small penis.  HA!”

I should embrace this about myself.  Maybe it’s apart of my charm?

Or I need therapy.

You decide.