Express Yourself

When I was a kid I was convinced Madonna and Tom Cruise were my parents.  Whitney Houston was my Aunt (adopted into the family, of course).  Jodie Foster was apart of the family, but I never figured out how.  All of the “Golden Girls” and most of the ladies from the original “Designing Women” were also in the mix, but mainly as a strong female presence.  To this day I have a strange obsession with Dixie Carter and Annie Potts.

This little fantasy world I created for myself got me through some rough times.  This “family” would never judge me, care that I’m gay, potentially recruit me for Scientology and probably talk about estrogen too much.  It was safe, brought me comfort, and was educational!

Now as an adult it’s just too much work to live in a fantasy world.  In fact, I’ve gone totally opposite of living in a fantasy.  For example, with men, rarely am I attracted to the stereotypically attractive fellas and instead go for the obtainable ones.  Sometimes I’ll notice a guy oogling (it can be a word) at a hot guy, and whisper, “He’s the fantasy, I’m the reality.”  Sometimes they laugh.  I’m not at liberty to discuss what they do when they don’t laugh due to pending litigation.

Am I cynical?  A little.  Maybe I spent too much time living in a fantasy world as a child.  And perhaps I am denying myself happiness by not letting myself explore the fantasy from time to time.  Mom did say, “Don’t go for second best baby/Put your love to the test/You know, you know, you’ve got to/Make him express how he feels/And then you’ll know you’re love is real.”  That was a big hit for Mom, “Express Yourself” topped the charts in 89!

I have officially gone round the bend y’all, see ya at the looney bin!