The official homepage for writer and comedian H. Alan Scott.

Hate Crime

I’ve seen 2 Broadway shows this week. Color me cultured, right? I saw Jane Fonda in 33 Variations and then Shrek: The Musical last night. Really enjoyed both. Jane Fonda is hot, enough said. I think I shall pick up her auto-bio, she’s kinda, sorta, fantastic! And Shrek was just fun, plain and simple.

But Shrek wasn’t without a little awkwardness. Of course a lot of children were at the show, which was lovely. It was so nice to hear a kid laugh at a fart joke. That sound of utter enjoyment of something, without pretense, is amazing. Kids are so pure, I love that about them. Adults get tainted by social norm shit.

Anyway, I digress. At intermission I had to use the restroom. Standing at the urinal doing my thing, I was bookended by children. They were both at crotch level, overtly staring at what I had to offer. As I stood there, I just kept telling myself, “Do not look down Scott, don’t look down.” First off, my gay hat and scarf combo screamed faggot (however, the clogs probably were enough of a spotter), and secondly, I didn’t know if there dad wasn’t standing behind me. It literally could have been a hate crime waiting to happen.

But alas, I made it out and alright and enjoyed the rest of the show. Phew, that was a close one!