“Ok! See you there. I’ll text again when I’m close. Yay, so exciting,” said the text.

I got to the bar early. (waiting. waiting. waiting. phone rings, it’s mom)

“Hello?”

“Scott, I had trouble getting a hold of you earlier so I wrote the message on your Facebook wall.” (do they make a facebook for dummies book?  they should!) “But I just wanted to let you know that your father has had a mini heart attack.” (what?! this is such bad timing!  and you wrote that on my facebook page?!)

Turns out he’s fine, needs rest, can’t exert much energy on anything.  Bed rest, best medicine.

Then he appeared.

“So nice to see you.” 

“I know, it’s so good to see you too.” (he’s cute.  should I tell him about the heart attack? no, don’t be a debbie downer.) “So my mom just told me my dad had a heart attack.” (i’m a fool.)

We pushed through, got a drink.  Conversation going well. (wow, he’s really cute.)

“Yeah, so I try to stay healthy, I’m an avid runner, work out a lot, eat right.” (except for those 2 massive slices of pizza i had earlier in the evening. do not mention this, it is not attractive.)

He’s looking into my eyes.  He likes how blue they are.  There’s silence.  This guy is into me.  It’s still silent.  (should i say something? do i have something in my teeth?) “Engage,” I say, then laugh, awkwardly.  (note to self, do not dramatically say engage to spur conversation, you’ll just wind up looking like a douche bag).

Break the tension, “Wow, I’ve got indigestion from that pizza I had earlier.” (way to not bring up the pizza from earlier!)

Awkward moments galore, but things are still going well.  A kiss is on the horizon.  Well, more than a kiss, good, old-fashioned making out will happen.  I can feel it in the air.  The silence is back.  For a comic, silence is not golden, it’s when you’ve lost your audience.  (kiss me already!) Bite the bullet, “If you wanna kiss me, you might as well go ahead and do it,” I say.  (smooth)

Commence make out session.

More making out.

Breath break.

Make out some more.

(did I floss?)

Time to leave.  We walk together down the street.  (it’s so nice to be back in new york city.  no city is better to date in than nyc.)  I’m a lady, I don’t give up this jelly on the first date.  mama taught me well.  and by well i mean how to be a prude)  But he digs my crazy Mormon influenced standards, which makes me dig him more.  This guy is hot!  

“Goodnight.”  Makeout more. “Okay, really, goodnight.”  Kiss again.  ”Seriously now, I gotta go.”  Kiss a little more. (i wonder if a terrorist homophobe is watching this blaent public display of affection and getting ready to lay some hate crime action on me? oh, who cares, this is fun!)

Commence walk home.  Better said, commence giddy walk of joy home.