Without fail, every time I return home from a trip, and the plane flys by the New York City skyline, I think, “Holy hell, I can’t believe I actually live there.” My friend Bryan put it well, “… to have moved to the biggest city in the country and made a life for yourself…” I love this city!

But I won’t be here for much longer. On June 15th I leave for Los Angeles for my six month stretch out there. But come 2009 I’ll be back in the Big Apple. But before I leave I’ve got some funny business to take care of. Check out my MySpace page for a complete listing of where I’ll be performing in the next couple of weeks. Come to a show, I guarantee you’ll laugh at least once (I’ll tickle ya if I have to).

I’m convinced that the weather people on the local news in Los Angeles secretly get a kick out horrible weather conditions hitting California. There’s this air of glee that one can detect when they talk about the fires, or an earthquake, even the occasional rain. These tragedies give them the opportunity to say something other than, “It’s going to be a beautiful day out there.”

Angelinos are blessed with a fantastic climate (looking past the smog). So to compensate for not having much to report, the weather people the local stations put on are either eye candy or there for the sake of humor. The women are no older than 25 (or made to look that way) and the men would have been used car salesmen if they weren’t on the air. The ladies show the boobs and the fellas either don’t wear ties or don unconventional colored shirts to give off the impression that their “cool” or “hip.”

Recently I saw this one forecaster (or something like that) talking about the Santa Ana winds and the information he’s been getting from the National Weather Service. “Whenever I get the word of change in the temperature or conditions from my friends at the NWS, I’ll be sure to report it to ya,” he said with the smile of a schmuck as he enunciated ‘ya’. National Weather Service? Isn’t that just Weather.com?

What if he typed in 10010 (New York zip code) instead of 90010 (Los Angeles zip code)?

“A winter advisory warning is in effect for all of Los Angeles! Not only is it freezing out there but a massive snowstorm appears to be on its way. Break out the parka’s friends. Wait, scratch that, go out and buy a parka, you’re gonna need it!”

All of Los Angeles would be in a panic. That forecast would be a modern day version of Orson Welle’s broadcast of War of the Worlds. People would be killing for the last pair of gloves.

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I’m on my holiday vacation. Because of the company I work for, I get from the middle of November until the beginning of the new year off. Jealous?

I will not complain, that would be selfish. I am at a bit of a loss though. It’s Monday, start of the week, yet for me it feels like a very lonely Sunday. I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to send e-mails but have nobody to send them to (I need more friends). Oprah is already annoying me. I’m living meal to meal, planning dinner while I eat lunch. Is this how newly retired people feel?

I feel adventures are in order. Tonight I will be hitting up the famous Grauman’s Chinese Theater (the one with all the footprints out front) to see The Wizard of Oz. Should I dress up? It would be so old Hollywood of me.

Please, give me tips. I need creative advice on what to do. What do you do with your time off? Before you answer that, remember, The Scott Blog is a family blog, so be clean!

Send me an email at TheScottBlog@gmail.com

Oh milestones, I’ve got my share! I don’t set out to remember these dates, or at least I don’t think I do, but for some reason they become implanted in my brain. I recognize them as the anniversary approaches year after year, sometimes celebrate them. Some are obvious, others are silly. But it’s vital for me to recognize their importance, for these milestones mark a significant moment in my life when a great change or event occurred that alerted the rest of my life.

- July 10, 1982: I was born. This one is sort of obvious, but how could it not be included in a list of important milestones?

- June 7, 1993: Moved in with my mother after years of living with my father. All of my belongings (which wasn’t much, I was 11) were piled up in the back of my step-father’s truck. I sat in the bed of the truck with my stuff and just stared out the window on my way to my new life.

- July 3, 1997: Lost my virginity while watching Mel Brooks’ Dracula Dead and Loving It. Oddly enough, a Dennis Rodman doll was also involved (I’ll explain this in a future blog).

- November 17, 2004: Moved to New York City. I road the Chinatown bus in from Philadelphia. Landing in Chinatown, I grabbed my bags and headed for the subway. I took the Q train to my new home (I didn’t know it would be my home, I was only coming to visit). The Q train goes over the Manhattan bridge, offering a fantastic view of lower Manhattan. I stood there amazed. “Am I really here?”

June 29, 2006: I quit smoking. Thank God!

November 7, 2007: Tonight I will do my first ever main stage stand-up performance. Saying I’m nervous is an understatement. I’m uber-excited, which only fuels the nerves more. I’m certain tonight will go down as yet another milestone to add to the mix. Why do I think that? Because I want this, I really want this.

If you’re in the Los Angeles area you better come! It’s at the Hollywood Improv at 8162 Melrose Avenue at 8pm. Come, come, come!

Wish me luck (gulp).

Send me an email at TheScottBlog@gmail.com