I’m a city boy, I love the energy, excitement and thrills of living in populous areas filled with interesting characters.  But city life sometimes requires creativity in order to blend functionality and convenience into your existence.

My problem: I run to the gym to amplify the total work out gained, but my gym requires a towel (and doesn’t provide one, WTF?!?).  I need to run with as few items as possible, what am I to do?  Solution: I purchased a very cute and functional towel that serves as a head wrap (very Lawrence of Arabia), AND a towel at the gym.

I wear this urban functional towel to the gym for the first time the other day.  Sweaty from my run, I remove the towel from my head and whipe the perspiration away as I walk into the weight run.

“Where’s your towel,” a rent-a-cop security lady at the gym asks me in a Rosie Perez like, sassy way.  Excited to show her how fantastically functional this towel is, I proceed to explain the many perks of this $40 gem I stumbled upon.

“You and I both know that’s not a towel,” she says, sass in full force, hand on waist, a snap and twist couldn’t be far off.

“Don’t presume to know what I know,” I tell her, getting irritated that Blanca, that’s what I named her in my head, couldn’t understand the greatness of the towel.

Words were exchanged, things got heated, and I demanded to see the manager.  The moments that passed were awkward and frustrating, how could she question me, who was SHE to question ME?

Up the stairs came a man that could have performed as the body double for the big black guy in The Green Mile.  He wore a badge that read “Manager,” and I swear I noticed the lights flicker.  With a deep breath I asked myself, “Is this going to be my hate crime?”

“I don’t have time for this,” I protested, looking up at the urban Jolly Green Giant.  “You have wasted my time, I have meetings, important things.  Goodbye!”

I literally ran home, defeated and ashamed.  And I’m out $40 on a shit towel!

My little brother has graduated from college. It’s an amazing achievement, I’m very proud. To honor the occassion, I’ve traveled half-way across the country to spend the holiday weekend with the family in St. Louis, MO.

First impressions? I’m loving the green. It’s everywhere! Holy hell, the tree’s, the grass, the hills, green, green, green. I’m in heaven, runner’s heaven!

Oh, being home, even for a short amount of time, is splendid. Holla for St. Louis!

It’s the weekend!  Are you as excited as I am?  I’ve got a full load on my plate, but I might have room for seconds.

- Friday: I’ll be hitting up an open mic, it’s all about the stage time.  After that I’ll be going to see Family Hour with Auntie Sara at Comix, it’s going to be a blast!

- Saturday: Running, yoga, an open mic, the gym and then I’ll close out the day at the local gay bar watching my friend shake his money maker.  If you’re in the city, come to Pieces.

- Sunday: Running, the gym, going to see Cloverfieldwith my cinema club and baking Snickerdoodles (in my attempt to master the homemade version’s of my favorite cookies). 

I’m already winded. 

Have a beautiful one y’all, find the joy!

It ain’t easy bein lazy.

I’m amazed at how difficult I find lazy days to be. I’ve had such a busy week, so taking a Scott day was very much in order. But instead of getting fresh with the couch, I felt the need to…

- Clean

- Grocery shop

- Bake

- Go on a light run

- Cook a fantastic dinner

Hmm, I need a lesson in laziness.

So, while binging on the fantastic chocolate chip cookies I made (seriously, they’re like professional), I was able to upload the video of my stand-up the other night.

It went alright, not an A, not an F, more like a C+. I don’t know, see for yourself with the video below. It’s all about the stage time, and there were some fantastic people in the audience. All in all it was a great night.

BTW, big thanks to everyone who inquired about how the stand-up went. That was very sweet, I truly appreciate it.

Enjoy!

Do you love The New Yorker? I do. But like millions of other fans, rarely do I ever read it. I want to, but time constraints just don’t allow it. I’ll finally have time to read it only to find the new issue in my mailbox. What to do? Read the old one? It’s old news now. It’s a real dilemma (well, no it’s not, but it effects me intensely).

I have found a solution friends. Audible.com allows you to subscribe to a year of service to the audio version of the magazine. Of course they can’t fit everything into the two hour recording, but they cram as much as they can in. I listened to my first issue this morning on my run, color me thrilled!

Check it out.

When I run I expect the people I share the city sidewalks with to obey proper urban etiquette (stay to the right). I’ll have an attitude about this, and will stand my ground, charging towards whomever stands in my way.

This morning a drunk looking couple and five small girls were taking up the entire sidewalk. The man was holding the woman, who was walking like a penguin down the street. The girls, who I assumed were their kids, were all straggling behind. I prepared myself for a battle, I was not going to move. Especially since these drunk fools dragged their kids with them on their early morning adventure (it was 6AM).

As I ran closer I noticed that the woman was holding her stomach. Could she be? Yes, she was in labor! Holding her stomach as they made their way to the hospital (which was a block away). The girls had bags of clothing, water, etc. with them, holding the heavy items as they followed their parents.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking, and I do feel like a fool, a real prick, Captain Douche-bag!

But the run was fantastic. 6.5 miles of cardio-greatness.

I feel duped.  Last night the gaggle of weather people on the local stations kept acting as if we were going to have this massive snow storm.  Even though I needed to run this morning, I decided it not to be safe to run through slidy snow. 

 Fast forward to 7AM, my obnoxious alarm clock tick ticks away, I look outside to gray skies and TOTALLY CLEAR SIDEWALKS!  Ugh.

I understand that people north of me got snow, Al Roker was standing in it (that man certainly loves a good snow storm).  But it’s 2008, has technology not advanced to the point where we can accurately predict the weather?

 Whatever!

I’ve joined a Christmas Choir. Celia’s Yuletide Express is not a professional choir, just a group of fun holiday song loving creative types who love to get together at locals bars and events around town and sing, sing, sing! We’re performing all month around St. Louis, MO, come see us if you can.
***
I love being back in St. Louis. Everything seems to slow down here. People smile at one another on the streets (even the homeless say “Good Morning” to ya). When did we stop smiling at people?

I get to run today for the first time since the Marathon. After such an intense run you’re suppose to let your body rest for a while. But resting in December could prove to be dangerous? My six months in Los Angeles gave me an extra 10 pounds, I won’t let the most happily plump month of the year give me another 10. Plus I need to prepare for my big return to New York City on January 1st. I need to be able to bike 12 miles a day (to and from work), walk a ton, hit the subway steps without losing my breath, take tennis lessons and be in top shape to find a man. Phew! Health plan for December:
- WATCH THE FOOD, everything in moderation.
- Walk at least one hour everyday.
- Follow the running recovery plan.
- Bike, bike, bike.
- 8 Minute Abs everyday.
- Think skinny.
- Finally realize that crack is wack.

I can do it!
***
Heading up to Iowa next week to volunteer for the John Edwards Presidential Campaign. Not sure that I’m supporting him yet, but my wonderful friend Meredith works for him. Check the blog out next week for lots of fun rural campaign stories!

Maybe I’ll be at the center of a bathroom sex scandal. Wouldn’t that be fantastic? I do need a date.

Send me an email at TheScottBlog@gmail.com

Why does someone choose to do a marathon? It’s sort of a silly thing to do, to put your body under that much stress. Maybe it’s just made for hardcore distance runners. The average person’s body is not meant for the sort of strain 26.2 miles puts on the body.

So why did I do it? Because I kick ass!

Yes friends, it’s true, I kick the ass like no other. I am Scott, the marathon running ass kicker. I started the marathon at 6:10am and finished 4 hours and 14 minutes later.

I beat Oprah’s time too! Doing something better than Oprah makes me feel special. It isn’t everyday one can feel above Queen Oppie.

Along the way I thought about a lot of things: how much weight I’ve lost, how far I’ve come physically, my friends and family, what I was going to eat after the race, Paula Abdul. But the one thought that really got me through the long stretches was how it felt to do stand up comedy. That feeling of being on stage, entertaining, being me; it’s what I need to be doing. 2008 is going to be all about doing all I need to do to hone my skills in comedy.

I’m so glad I ran the race. I’m even more glad that it’s over. I’ll be in St. Louis, MO in a couple of hours, with my family and friends, and will settle in to relax, laugh and explore the city that I love.

Send me an email at TheScottBlog@gmail.com

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. I’m so marrying a midget.

I arrived last night, the countdown to the marathan has begun. Sunday morning at 6:12 AM I will run 26.2 miles. I’m so nervous I can’t poop. Seriously. I’m nothing if not honest. All I want to do is poop. I’ve taken pills, drank coffee, upped my fiber - nothin. It will happen… I hope. Wouldn’t that be a nasty picture at the 15th mile of the marathon?

Pictures, stories and all sorts of other goodies will come, but probably not until December 4th when I’m sitting all cozy like in St. Louis, Missouri. Until then, be well blogger friends, wish me luck.

BTW, I think my friend Meaghan should be able to get my stand-up on YouTube. The moment it’s on there I will post it here.

Okay, take care, I’s got some exploring to do!

Send me an email at TheScottBlog@gmail.com

How does that theme song go?

You take the good
You take the bad
You take them both and there you have the facts of life
The facts of life

Whoda thunk “The Facts of Life” would prove so prophetic?Case of Opposites # 1:
Halloween party on Friday night, was fantastic! I went as a German beer girl, Helga von Scotty (hence the photo above, more can be found in my photo gallery). Nobody does Halloween like the gays, it’s our Christmas. There’s a whole week devoted to proper Halloween etiquette in gay school.

Half way through the celebration my tooth (which was scheduled to be pulled on November 8th), started to hurt. I left in pain, but at least I looked damn good!

Case of Opposites # 2:
Had a great lunch on Saturday with a very nice fellow. He bakes, ‘nough said!.

After lunch I went to work on my stand up routine for the Fresh Faces show on November 7th at the Hollywood Improv (check out the link to the left). Because of the tooth, I wasn’t feeling all there, didn’t get the laughs I was hoping for. I’m not your typical comic, I recognize that. I tell stories, not one-liners. Because of this there’s a lot of silence from the audience, which terrifies me. I must get used to the silence.

Case of Opposites # 3:
This weekend marked the culmination of tons of training, I was supposed to run 20 miles on Sunday. I woke up that morning drenched in sweat, obviously the infection from the toothache was taking it’s toll on my body. I ran 13 miles until I couldn’t take it anymore. The depression this caused cannot be described, I was furious.

So what do I do when I’m distressed? Watch movies! Unfortunately my area had a power outage mid-way through my favorite movie (Terms of Endearment), leaving me in pain and in the dark.

I can’t win for losing.

The power came on 30 minutes before “Desperate Housewives”. I sat there with my frozen yogurt, determined to end the day on a sweet note. It worked!

Things are looking up today. I’m getting my tooth pulled at noon. Which of course means that I have a great excuse to eat all the ice cream I want tonight and finish Terms of Endearment. Color me thrilled!

Send me an email at TheScottBlog@gmail.com